Archive for March, 2009

Thoughts on a healthy relationship…The Golden Rule and Preparedness

Posted in Relationships with tags , , , , on March 23, 2009 by djvinceadams

(Previously posted as a Note on my Facebook Profile)

Please excuse the length of this note and if you do choose to read it I thank you for your time and for lending me your ear.

I watched the Steve Harvey forum on Oprah today and found it pretty interesting. I’m in the process of reading his book and it dawned on me that other people might have views on what is/are the chief issues people have in relationships. I shot out a question to my FB family and found some consistencies, agreements and contrasts to how people feel about the state of today’s male-female relationship. I thought that after reading every word of every person’s response that I would share some thoughts of my own.

Books have been written on the subject of relationships, so there’s only so much that I can say in a note, so this entry is by no means conclusive of all things to consider regarding relationships. I was so very impressed with the candor, honesty and respect that was shared between the people who responded to the relationship question regarding issues. I want to briefly touch on two topics. The first topic The Golden Rule which encapsulates a lot of points that people touched on (i.e. honesty, open communication, respect, etc.) The second topic Preparedness expounds on points that were made regarding self-love, security and “knowing yourself.”

The Golden Rule is simple – “Whatsoever ye would that men do unto you, do you even so unto them” (Matthew 7:12) To me, this is the “catch all” rule that would allow many of the barriers and issues that people have to be removed and allow for a healthy environment for a relationship. I think that it was stated by many people that communication is something that is a huge problem in relationships. Isn’t it ironic that the majority of behavior that needs to be addressed in a relationship involves someone doing/saying something that they themselves wouldn’t want someone to do/say to them? This is certainly a double-standard that many relationships encounter.

If we were fair, reasonable and respectful of one another as partners we would eliminate over 75% of the things that are being “ineffectively communicated.” I don’t mean to oversimplify relationships, they can be extremely dynamic. However, often times the answers to the most complex issues are simple in nature. If we as people treated one another, regardless of the nature of our relationship (i.e. co-worker, friend, lover, etc.) as we ourselves would like to be treated we intrinsically resolve many of the issues that we are faced with in our relationships. I would offer examples to illustrate, but for the sake of brevity I’m sure we know many instances from our personal situations where applying the Golden Rule may have helped alleviate or avoid an issue.

Its fair to ask, “Vince, if its that simple then why is the Golden Rule not being applied often in today’s male-female relationship.” The answer is in the second topic – Preparedness. Look at this analogy – everyone says that they would love to be a millionaire, but be careful what you wish for. If you were a millionaire are you financially responsible to not go broke a short time after receiving it, are you willing to deal with the beggars and borrowers that come with obtaining that amount or money, would you enrich someone else’s life or focus primarily on yourself with your new found status. You can not have what you “want” in life without the responsibility you must assume for receiving that desired “thing.”

Unfortunately there are a lot of people who are unprepared for the “million dollar” relationship that they desire. If you have the opportunity to meet the person who does for you the things that you want done and address the items in a relationship that are their responsibiliity as a caretaker in the relationship – its important for one to know if they are the “whole” person that they need to be to foster a healthy relationship. Relationships are the one place that two halves do not make a whole. You need to be your own person, with your own happiness and your own worth to contribute and share. No one can provide for another the things that is there’s and only there’s to do for themselves.

Preparedness simply is asking “am I the person that I need to be in order to function and contribute to the million dollar relationship that I desire.” Many people focus on lists of wants from others without writing a list of their own “this is who I need to be” traits that may or may not be a match for the person they are hoping to attract in their life. (Steve Harvey addressed “the list” on the show and I thought it may have been the “highlight” of the entire hour.)

I could expound, but there’s always an opportunity to share at another time and your thoughts/comments (if you made it through this long note – LOL) are encouraged and appreciated. Much love…VA


My real problem with today’s R&B…

Posted in Music Industry with tags , , , on March 17, 2009 by djvinceadams

(Previously posted as a Note on my Facebook Profile)

Let me just say this as a music lover and someone in the industry. There is room in the game for The Dream – he can have his minute and I will play his music and others that I don’t like because I play for the people.

The industry is missing a balance between style and substance. If there was as big of a radio/listener following for Eric Roberson, Raheem Devaughn, Raphael Saadiq, Anthony Hamilton and Dwele as there was for Ne-Yo, J Holiday, The Dream and the other sound alikes then I wouldn’t have a thing to say.

The lack of balance is probably the thing that disturbs me most because true song-writers (not hook writers), real singers (not moaners and hummers) would be able to shine as well.

In 2009 outside of Beyonce, Alicia Keys and John Legend (who are not my favorite artists either, but very talented in their own right) are about as far as it goes for substance in today’s R&B on the major rotation side. Everything is style now with no staying power. No one will care about “Rockin That Thing” by The Dream in 2 months because its a hook, its not a song.

As a DJ I have a hard time playing music from this decade because its so fad-like that it goes out of style in a matter of weeks. However, I can play 100’s of songs from the 80’s and 90’s that get a greater response than music made just last year, which in itself shows there’s a big difference between style and substance.

There’s nothing wrong with style, but as listeners we shouldn’t allow the radio and videos to do the thinking for us – we should have a higher level of discretion to know what’s real and what’s processed. Just a thought…VA